A few years ago, a friend of mine Christine was working in HR and was dreading the job of having to tell two staff that they would be losing their jobs. One was an older woman nearing retirement, so Christine imagined that she would be happy to simply take early retirement. The other however was a younger man, recently married and two small kids. Christine felt so bad for him and the hardship this job-loss would place on him and his family.
The big day arrived, and the two meetings were held.
The young man was first, and responded to the news with a wide smile and delight. His wife had just got a great new job, and he was glad to get out of this job, become a house-husband, and finally finish the alterations on the garage.
Next was the older woman, who became so enraged by the news that she grabbed a pencil off the desk and attacked Christine, stabbing her in the thigh.
Each person chose their own reaction, their own experience of this situation, and in doing so both revealed and determined Who They Are.
June 15, 2008 at 4:24 am |
hmm…maybe. that’s probably a part of the truth.
another part could be that the younger man has a whole life ahead of him and many opportunities, so more ability to adapt to change, while the elder woman is being kicked out of her contributing place in an active community, and is expected to be happy about being shuffled aside into a position of lonely dependency. that’s a pretty tough situation.
June 15, 2008 at 5:38 pm |
Tinka,
I see your point, and in that light what I have written seems harsh. I was just attempting to make the point that, given a certain circumstance, we each choose how we will behold it, interprete it, and label it – be it “good” or “bad”, and that in this story each person labelled the event of being fired in the opposite way that Christine was expecting. Of course, the fact that for the older woman this was “bad” news does not diminish the fact that for her it may be all that you describe. I am not “expecting her to be happy about it”. I am just saying that we should be aware at all times that we are choosing and deciding what we wish to label “good” and “bad”, and that those choices both declare and decide Who We Are.
Jon
July 9, 2008 at 7:02 am |
I would say it isn’t so much how feels or labels the circumstances (feeling its good, feeling its bad), but the ACTIONS one takes given the circumstances. If I was fired, I probably couldn’t choose to change my initial feeling (or labeling) of it being bad, but I can choose to not stab someone despite being angry/sad/whatever. I think *that* speaks more to Who I Am.
July 10, 2008 at 10:10 pm |
Lizz,
I agree, and indeed our actions are the expression of our feelings. I guess the only caution is that in deciding to act in a way that is contrary to our real feelings that we do not become false and pretend to be something we are not. A fine line.
Jon
July 11, 2008 at 9:45 am |
Hmmm, Selah…
I think who we are is more of a question of what story we tell and believe about ourselves. We attract ourselves to situations and things more than we attract these things to us.
Our response sometimes, at lease for me, are out of Unconsciousness and often times make matters worse. However, I find that the more we are aware of us vs the ego, the better we can respond and walk in the peace and certainty that we all seek regardless of the situation.
July 18, 2008 at 7:21 am |
I don’t think what you have written is harsh at all. The older woman’s life is a result and consequence of the way the older woman has chosen to BE, which is an emotionally spoiled brat by her character expression, blaming other people and outer situations for her Life’s choices. Lack of being BOTH responsible and accountable for her character expressions and self discipline.
During the 1st 50 years of our life, we fill up pot holes we happen to come across in our lives. During the next 50 years, we get to live with what we have filled those potholes up with.
Empty vessels ALWAYS make the most noise. And the older woman made it perfectly CLEAR, that she, was an empty vessel. Like the rest of us, she is reaping in her life exactly as she has sowed.
Current definitions of “health” now-a-days, are including emotional response signs, such as emotional flexibility, versatility and endurance, as indicators of being ‘healthy’. The woman is *sick* obviously, with no emotional skills and quite likely to remain that way, since she’s gotten away with her behavior for most of her life without being called on it.
I’ve worked in HR before, for a major city. Had this woman behaved the same way around me, she would have been taken directly to jail, charged with assault. And could have had all her needs taken care of, while sitting in prison.
July 18, 2008 at 7:29 am |
Ever considered that “Peace” is a RESPONSE?
And the word “responsible” is formed by the phrase “response able”?
The reason why I ask such questions is due to how many of us, over how many centuries have ASKED for “Peace” and to get what we have ASKED for, means the removal from embodiement of all of us unable to do so.