My imaginary friend

Hi. I’d like to tell you about my imaginary friend. He’s very nice, very caring and very loving. When I feel lonely or scared I talk to him and I can feel him warming my insides and hugging me. When I feel small and weak he gives me strength. Sometimes I do things he doesn’t really like, but when I’m sorry he just says it’s all better and not to worry. What a lovely friend I have. He especially likes it when I sing songs to him. My imaginary friend is so nice that I just want everyone else to know him the way I do.

I learnt all about my imaginary friend from this very old book I read. Some of the bits in this book are not very nice and don’t sound like my friend at all, so I just skip over those bits. But the nice bits really are very, very nice. All that love! Love here, love there, love everywhere! Lovely!

Some people get angry because they don’t know my imaginary friend the way I do. Some of them even say he’s just a “transference of my ideal” whatever that silly term might mean. Of course the real reason is their hearts are hard and unbelieving. But never mind, I’ll ask my imaginary friend to help them so that one day they will be happy and loving like me.

Some people say that the very old book I read says that my imaginary friend will do some very nasty things to people that don’t love him like I do, but my imaginary friend is just too big for my little mind to understand, so I’m sure he will sort it all out. When I talk to others about my imaginary friend, I don’t really mention the nasty side of my friend too much – no point in scaring people needlessly I say.

Amazingly, I know other people who have an imaginary friend very similar to mine, so we meet together and “collectively reinforce our model”. Not sure what that means, but I’m sure it’s good. When we meet, we all make sure that we have the same ideas about our imaginary friend. It just upsets everyone if someone starts talking about something different so we really discourage that sort of thing. Cloneliness is next to godliness.

Oh how I love my imaginary friend. He’s everything I could ever wish or dream for!

Singing Idealistic Lies (rant)

One of the best things about not going to church anymore is no longer having to sing stupid songs. There should be a world-wide ban on all ‘Christian’ songs that contain the words ‘I’, ‘all’, and ‘everything’. Sunday after Sunday we would all stand there while a wide-smiled ‘worship leader’ would enthusiastically encourage us to sing nonsense like:

“Everything thing I do, I do for you Jesus, Every move I make I make in You”
“You are my one desire”
“All I need is You”
“I worship You with all of my heart, soul, yada, yada”

Sorry everyone, but I don’t love God with all of my heart (or whatever other part you care to name) – never have, never will. He is not all I need, nor is He my one desire, and I will never worship Him with all of my anything this side of the grave. These songs are silly idealism and simply not true. Yet, like stupid sheep, the church-goers sing them every week, not daring to voice their heartfelt opinion than in fact none of this is true. What a horrible way to live.

If they are going to sing first-person songs at all, then I for one would much rather sing something like:

“God, I sorta love You – have good days and bad days”
“Lord, You have transformed me here, but hands off over there – sorry, but I’m not ready yet”
“Jesus, I had a shit week and You didn’t budge a finger to help, but I love You anyway”
“God, last Tuesday I denied You big time. Same sin – yet again. 2 steps forward, 3 steps back. But here I am anyway – warts and all”

And the church leaders wonder why they struggle for relevancy!